Fuck you,

:(

Sat, 08 Oct 2011 10:46:14 -0400

I gained weight at my last weigh-in. I keep fluctuating at right around the same weight. I don’t get it. I’ve been exercising like mad every day and I’m down to consuming nothing but fruits and vegetables and lots of water. What am I doing wrong?! It’s getting really discouraging not seeing results.

Worth it?!

Thu, 06 Oct 2011 02:23:26 -0400

Slept through my alarm. It was horrifying. Instead of going to the gym before work, I had to call work and leave a voicemail saying I’d be late ‘cause I somehow didn’t hear my alarm at all. That never happens.

Had dark red kidney beans for breakfast ‘cause they’ll keep me full with protein since I wasn’t gonna make it to the gym or even into the shower. Before I left work I chowed down on some crackers and raisins and finally got to the gym. Did 45 minutes on the elliptical, eight minutes at a higher level on the bike, then relaxed in the sauna. Did laundry, then went out on a date.

Oh shit. We went to my favorite bar. He bought me drinks. Two Jamesons and three or four beers later, I’m buzzed as fuck, but I can’t even begin to calculate the calories. Shit. We made out on the way back to my place from the bar and he was so sweet and I told him I couldn’t let him into my apartment on the first date so he kissed me goodnight and made sure I got in okay and here I am and…

I miss my ex. Starting over hurts, no matter how exciting the new guy may be. I miss him so, so much.

Idk. Fuck.

If I had been skinny he wouldn’t have left me for her and I wouldn’t be dealing with any of this. I hate myself for it. Idk idk idk.

Halloween is coming up. I wish I had the kind of body where I...

Tue, 04 Oct 2011 23:50:31 -0400

Halloween is coming up. I wish I had the kind of body where I could use Halloween as an excuse to show off in a slutty costume… Halloween goal weight: 160?

My friend emailed me this today thinking I’d like it. She...

Tue, 04 Oct 2011 22:21:13 -0400

My friend emailed me this today thinking I’d like it. She had no idea how perfect it was. This is for every boy who left me for some 90-pound slut who made pouty lips at him and for every 90-pound slut who decided she’d rather take my man than get her own.

Never again.

Today,

Tue, 04 Oct 2011 20:51:18 -0400

Had ramen with broccoli for breakfast to have enough carbs to last through my cardio. I never use the ramen flavoring packet ‘cause it’s not vegan and it’s pretty much pure sodium; seasoned it with tabasco and mango chile sauce instead. Had a cup of Earl Grey topped off with unsweetened soymilk before I left for the gym. Total, 550 calories.

Did 45 minutes on the elliptical, average speed 5.8mph, average heart rate 178. Cooled off with 10 minutes on the bike on uphill mode to work my thighs. Rewarded myself with 20 minutes in the sauna. :)

Beans for lunch to get some protein, fruit for dessert. Total, 370 calories.

Went for a walk downtown and along the riverfront, covered just over five miles.

Drank water throughout the day.

I think I can give myself a pat on the back. Right?

Photo

Tue, 04 Oct 2011 16:37:56 -0400

Rough start?

Tue, 04 Oct 2011 11:24:50 -0400

Couldn’t sleep last night. Haven’t slept much since the breakup last week. So instead of hitting the gym at 5am like I planned, I stayed up till 3am thinking about him, slept through my alarm, and just woke up now.

Weighed in at a pound more than yesterday. But I also woke up bleeding (damnit), so I will assume for the moment that it’s just me being bloated. *crosses fingers*

Getting ready to have tea/breakfast and hit the gym. At the very least I’ll do 30 minutes of serious cardio before doing whatever else, then reward myself by relaxing in the sauna. Then… idk. Sitting around being sad about him? Fuck.

Here goes. Balls to the wall.

Intro.

Tue, 04 Oct 2011 01:26:47 -0400

I’m Maggie.

And I want hipbones that show.